Some of these symptoms I've experienced. Some shocked the bejeezus out of me.
2. Burning Mouth Syndrome
Along with your skinny vagina is Burning Mouth Syndrome with the decreased hormones resulting in reduced saliva production. Instead of your coochy ripping open, food is ruined. Things taste metallic and your mouth feels like it's burning. I don't know which is worse. I mean, you can't go without food. I guess I'd rather have zero metabolism than have burning mouth syndrome. As if we had a choice. Of course, you'll probably get both.
3. Hair loss/thinning hair
I thought that was for the dudes! Nope! Don't you wonder why your Aunt Maggie suddenly started wearing wigs? Because society doesn't prepare us for bald women. Bald dudes can be sexy. Hello Patrick Stewart. Sure he's old now, but he came to my undergrad acting class when he was in town for an audition for some new Star Trek thing. (Yup. I'm old. It was TNG.) He would've been in his early forties. I walked into my acting class and standing next to my teacher was some dude in tennis shorts. Some hot bald dude who acted with the Royal Shakespeare Company. Hubba hubba. But, aside from the voluntarily bald- like Charlize Theron in Mad Max, Demi Moore in GI Jane, or Lupita Nyong'o in everything- bald isn't a look that society embraces for women.
I was lucky that I started with thick hair. I never achieved scarcity. However, there was a time a few years ago that I kept clogging the drain in our shower. When I'd shampoo, my fingers would get tangled in the hair coming off my head. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong. I thought, it must be stress. It wasn't until several years later, as my menopause was winding down and when I was writing down the 34 symptoms that I realized that time was early in my menopause. Mine eventually stopped. Others does not.
4. Osteoporosis
This shit is evil. Did you ever wonder why all these old women were always falling and breaking their hips? I'd heard that some of the time, they weren't. There's a theory that hips break, so they fell. Now I can't find any sciency that states that, so it was probably an old husband's tale.
I've been considering starting skateboarding again, but this crone's bones are not what they used to be. It might be a serious mistake.